The Truth About Skinny White Kids (A Spoken Word Poem)

Hi, I’m white, and I am god...damn...skinny!

I know by the look of me, I’m supposed to be one of those losers who can,

Recite 150 digits of pi,

While playing dungeons and dragons,

And listening to Jared Diamond on books on tape for fun.

But no, I can however,

Recite every lyric from 10 different underground rap songs,

While doing flares,

Spinning on my head,

And beating Kobe, LeBron, and Dwyane Wade at NBA 2K12 with one eye tied behind my back!

I am sick and tired of sexy, muscular, tan surfers with sexy foreign accents,

Who don’t own shirts and get 20 women just by saying hi!

The Skinny White kids don’t get enough appreciation!

And so, it fall to me,

To stand up for the weak and pale population of this world and say,

We are the new Leonardo DiCaprios,

And we are taking over the world!

We’re those nerds creating websites,

We’re the pimply minimum wage freak who hands you your happy meal and asks “do you want some ketchup with your order?”

We’re the masterminds of Facebook,

The internet,

And Old Spice Deodorant!

We are everywhere and we want some respect!

Not only are we everywhere, but we are damn sexy!

Some of the hottest girls alive are married to skinny white guys!

Bill Walton! Hugh Fucking Hephner!

Hugh Hephner gets more girls then Brad Pit, 50 Cent, and Snoop Dogg put together!

We are the heart and soul of society,

So you better respect the skinny ass white kids of the world!

Sure we aint Gangster, we aint fly!

But we’ve got swagger for days!

We don’t waste our time wolfing down Double Whoppers like it’s our job!

We stay inside and drink apple juice,

Through curly straws,

And eating wonder bread sandwiches,

That have had the crusts cut off by our mommies, who also adds the special ingredient, love!

That’s stupid you say?

Childish?

Silly?

Well how the fuck you think we get names like McLovin huh?

Because we love so good!

So Usher, Hugh Jackman, Ray J, King Henry III, Rocky Balboa, Andre the Giant, and Arnold Schwarzenegger...

Y’all can get in line to take on the power of us,

But I promise you,

Our Asthma induced, pimple covered, near and far sighted asses,

Will kick all your butts to the moon!

And we will take over the world!

Then everyone will be smarter,

Funnier,

Sexier,

Whiter

And that...much...skinnier!

GK

May, 2011

To Allen Ginsberg (inspired by poems by Allen Ginsberg)

All the accomplishments in my world, and all my ambitions have been crushed because of you.

your beautiful prose, and disturbing imagery make me cry and weep because I know I will never meet your literary genius.

the metaphors, images, sentences, absence of punctuation, improper grammar, yakketayakking screaming vomiting, your beautiful emotions of disturbed evil.

the simple subtle serenade to your one deep love, creating romance out of harlequin speeches of suicide,

the disturbing beauty of demanding instantaneous lobotomy.

the sex, drugs, religion, death, boxcars boxcars boxcars, and the natural honesty of jazz or sex or soup.

Since when have potheads and junkies been called angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection?

since when has political commentary consisted of the narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism?

and since when has someone been so fearless as to say what he means, and mean what he says?

none before would have the courage to create such social unrest, and refuse to conform to conformity.

semen, cocksman, whoring, hungover, red eyed in supernatural ecstasy, fucked in the ass by saintly motorcyclists, leaving the lava and ash of poetry scattered in fireplace Chicago.

what can I say?

No such beautiful horror can ever be achieved by someone so nobody as I am.

your Howl for perfection is met with a cry of admiration, where I say love, you say dear sweet rosy unattainable desire.

how do I change and become as perfect a proseman as you?

how do I change and formulate such a perfect political outcry as go fuck yourself with your atom bomb?

I cannot change to become the perfect poet, because the perfect poet has already spoken the holy words that will be forever echoed in heaven as the perfect Howl of all humanity.

-Santa Cruz, 2011

GK